ugly fugly me

hey peeps, i'm blogging from gabriel's house. yes, i'm spending the night here and trust me there won't be any attempt of procreation between a male and a male. and i'm completely straight(heterosexual). i love boobies girls.

as you all know, i got my glasses. now i know why my younger sister likes to wear her glasses all the time, it is much nicer/better to see things clearly and sharply. suddenly, the trees, sky, buses and everything else looks nicer because their clearer. somehow it felt like looking for the first time.

i don't mean just plain looking, i mean appreciating. just marvel over these things, just be in tune with them.

another thing with having perfect vision is the shock and the horror. waking up each morning to see my face scares myself. fat and ugly. damn. sometimes having pefect vision isn't good. i think i prefer the blur version of my face and body. fat here and there.

have you ever woken up hoping that the face in the mirror wasn't your's? i hope that everyday. sometimes i just want to shoot myself. at least i don't have to look at myself the whole day. i pity those that live with me and those who see me on the street at the coffeeshop so on and back.

P.S. Gab is singing Viva Forever, spice girls song. aH-Ha!
Cr4Pp!e

First Post From Lappy/ Oakley Glasses

ok people, this post is coming live from my computer laptop. damn nice, got my own laptop. although it is not the best 1, it still beats not having one. i like the keyboard too. now i don't need to wait for my darn sisters to get off the computer then i can use it, i have my lappy to use. aH-Ha!

just now, my elder sister offered to give me $300 to allow her to use my lappy since it has adobe version 7 and according to her, it is better then the one on the computer. i told her, you tidy up your table then i let you use my laptop.

She: huh? what?(in a very sobbing manner, rather acting sobbing)

Me: Hhahah, joking only lah. i'm not that bad.(not that bad, a little, ahhahaha)

ok, anyway, i got my oakley glasses yesterday. came home and there were mixed reactions.

Eldersister :hahahahahahahaha

Mom: now professor hong.

Dad: ai ya, i not like you, need glasses to look handsome.(not that i am anyway)

Youngersister: ahhahahahahahhaha

when i was leaving the specs shop, the specs guy asked if i wanted to wear the glasses out, i said "Nah, don't want people to drop dead looking at me."(i know myself)

Cr4Pp!e

Damn tired.(please forgive all errors)

woke up at 6.20am this morning. damn early for someone who doesn't need to go to school or work(actually, i'm working for my dad).

went all the way to some bank in malaysia where they had 10 counters. 10! most banks in singapore have 2 - 5 counters but that bank has 10 with people behind them. i think labour is cheap there.

after that, we made our way to the factory in Jalan something. reached there at 10.30am. however, we could not do the stuffing as the container wasn't there yet. so my dad called the forwarding company to let them know. the guy at the other end said it was coming in 2 hours time.

2 hours later my dad called him to let him know it has not arrive yet. the fellow said it is coming. turns out the container came at 5pm. we waited a 6.5hours for it. Na-Beh.

what happened was that the container was delivered at the wrong place and the dumbo there asked his men to load the goods into our container without checking whether it was for him. then they had to take all their stuff out when it was corrected.

waiting hours for something that seems to never arrive with a man(my father) who was spewing vulgarities the whole time is rather excruciating. but i'm used to it anyway and when i spew them out myself, there is someone to blame. aH-Ha!

after everything was done, my dad went to get a pair of Levi's. suddenly having a pair of Levi's doesn't feel young anymore. my dad is 51 this year. the people at the Levi's store are damn friendly and nice. too bad you don't get this kind of hospitality in singapore.

walk into a Levi's store, all their staff eye you down like an eagle eying it's prey. but at msia, you walk in and the staff smiles at me(i guess) then they are really helpful. some of them are cute adorable too.

P.S. My mom(48) shares clothes with my elder sister(21) and wears stuff from Mango(not basic tee).

Cr4Pp!e

Gym. Work those fats.

ok, today i went to the GYM. yeah, the place where people work out(lift weights and run on the treadmill). and this time, i lifted slightly heavier, slightly, very very slightly. but luckily did not get cramp half way through.

was at this machine when this guy looked at me and smile. i quickly turned away thinking that he was gay happy. then i looked again as from the corner of my eye as i could see he was gesturing something. he was asking whether he could use the machine, i said " 2 more sets"

He: can share ?

Me: ok(got up and allow him to use)

this show off strong man then did twice the weight i did and he did it as though it was easy peasy for him. basket. when i become big and strong, i'll be sure to find that punk and flex infront of him but that will be next life since this life i'm destined to be a loser.

today, i was "rewarded" there were basketball matches. my favourite team MI(boys) played. they won ACJC by quite a lot of points. can't remember. i'm rooting for MI to win the tournament. too bad the star player could not perform today, his fingers were injured. and ACJC played rather dirty, pushing the players and fouling quite a lot too.

i think ACJC can't stomach that they were going to get thrash by people who could not make it to the JC. their pride is rather high(i guess). too bad money can't help you guys(ACJC) win the game. money cannot buy everything. aH-Ha!

ACJC student: dah? really ar? but my daddy tells me that money can buy everything. he bought my mother from china, cause my dad is some geek who likes computers.

Me: guess what? you wouldn't have been where you are if it ain't for your dad's money.

damn. i so wanna be an ACJC student. but my dad's poor. boo hoo hoo. and i'm fat.

Cr4Pp!e

Clubbing

friday(22/4), went to Tuas with my dad, did some manual work which made me sweat pespire non-stop. so i took off my shirt(showing my fats) and carried on. it was sweaty, smelly and disgusting. don't want to elaborate more.

saturday(23/4), lifeguard lesson at 3. did 50m tow twice, the timing for the first was 2:17(mins:secs), second was 2:20. i was shocked to find out the times, considering i was doing chin tow and my previous was 2:50+. i am so ready for the Bronze Medallion test. going to get that cert then get that see babes lifeguard job. oh yeah!

later that night, went to boat quay(Club X) to celebrate Larry's brithday. first we started off with a bottle of chivas and tequila. i drank about 5 glasses(mixed) of it and i'm out. alcohol rushes to my head and my alcohol limit is very low. while i was lying down and dying, these guys opened 2 more bottles, barcadi and jimbean.

thanks to larry and chris, they both downed 1 glass each of alcohol mixed by the bar guy since it was their birthday and if they did not vomit and drink it one shot, we got a free bottle of jim bean. just a whiff of it made me feel like vomitting.

and yes, i vomited, 3 times. yes i know i'm a loser, i admit it. i am a loser. for those who have never drunk enough alcohol to vomit, don't try, it is horrible. the vomitting part is the best because it is when you start feeling better. it is the time between your last drink and the trip to the toilet that is damn horrible.

and the extremely loser part, yesterday night, i was lying down while all of them were talking, smoking and relaxing. worse was that they had same amount of alcohol as me or more. imagine this, 10plus guys drinking, talking, joking and smoking while 1 guy puts his head on the table as though he drink a hell lot of alcohol.

P.S. I danced too, you don't want to know about it.

Cr4Pp!e

Hair cut/Specs and My First Pair of Levi's

just to recap what happened on wednesday, got a haircut, i think it sucks.

the hairstylist was damn scary, when i went there, i told her cut any way she likes. then while she was cutting my hair, i said that i wanted the sides to be flat then she asked me how, her facial expression was like how my primary school teachers will stare at me when i'm up to something.

while she was cutting my hair, i could hear her breathe. BREATHE! i was very scared, what if she suddenly loses her temper and pokes my eye with the scissors or slashes my neck with it to end my god forsaken loser life.

after she cut my hair, i thought it was rather good. but now i think it looks like shit. not my artistic shit but shit, damn ugly. Na-Beh. $18 somemore, lucky not i pay one.(my dad)

later that night, i went to buy a pair of spectacles.

Specs Man: try this one. ( some nonsense pair)

Me: how do i look? (asking my sisters)

Sisters: nah not nice.

Me: do you have any oakleys?

Specs Man: yes.(brings me to the display shelf and hands me a pair)

Me: how do i look?

Sisters(start laughing): You look like ULTRAMAN! ahahhahahahahha.

Specs Man: ok. (hands me 2 other oakley glasses)

the laughter then decrease. so i decided to buy the pair that makes me look like ultraman. i think i look like ultraman because of the silver frame and my sisters are not used to me wearing specs.

specs man then said it was time to check my degree(duh~). i guessed that my degree increased 25 in each eye from 50 at primary 4. reason being, my vision is still rather clear and i don't need specs in my loser everyday life.

i was half right, my left eye is 75 increased by 25 however, my right eye is lazy, degree 200 and has astigmatism. shit, now i have lazy eye. besides being a fat slob/ass and stupid, i'm a geek now because only geeks have astigmatism.

the total cost of my specs is $250, my dad pays half and i pay half. not that bad.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

today, went to JB(Jowhore Bahlu) with my dad again, on the way back to singapore, i decided to walk walk in a city square(a mall near the JB checkpoint). walked into this Levi's and looked around. then decided on this RM219 jeans(red tab 512, spore$95).

i was with my dad so i bought it although i'm paying for it. the strange thing about me is whenever i'm buying clothes, i tend to swear pespire a lot. it was peeing cats and monkeys on my face.

anyway, the shopping mall looked really nice. i intend to go back there and shop some other day. anybody wanna come?

and it is fabulous thursday again, o.c. and one tree hill, go watch it! and here is a spoiler for you guys.



P.S. I heard girls like guys wearing oakleys.

P.P.S. i heard girls like guys who wear Levi's

Cr4Pp!e

my family is fucked up dysfunctional

woke up at 9.30am as usual, my body aching. maybe i overworked myself at the gym. impossible. i lifted the lightest of everything. argh, damn. i'm damn weak.

my dad asked me to hang out the clothing. i walked into the kitchen then walked out telling my dad to ask my elder sister to do it instead because i'm always doing it. Fuck. then my dad mumbles some nonsense which i know means "just fucking do it and don't talk so much" my elder sister just continues to sit on the sofa and looks at me with "bambi eyes".

my family is fucked up dysfunctional.

1. my dad is afraid of my mom.
2. my mom cooks at most once a week now(dinner).
3. dinner is either 1 soup or 1 meat dish and 1 veg dish.
4. the only household chore that my mom does constantly is washing of the clothing.
5. i mop more than my mom(the last time my mom mopped was at least 6 years ago).
6. folding of clothing is done by either me/younger sister/elder sister.
7. i wash the dishes more than my mom/elder sister/younger sister.
8. my mom sleeps at 1am or 2 am and wakes up at 1 pm or 2 pm while i have to wake up at 9.30am every morning
9. 9 out of 10 times, i'm the only one buying the groceries with my mom.
10. if your a male in my family, you have to do more household chores.

this morning's incident reminded me why going to poly is not such a bad idea. i get to work earlier and earn my own money then i can do whatever i want since it is MY money and i can get out of this shithole house earlier.

Fuck

Cr4Pp!e

Basketball matches

o-k! went to the gym to work off some fats and lose weight. stepped on the treadmill and ran walked for like 30secs. after that, i was panting and felt like someone was sucking my air away. i hopped all the way to the sofa to sit and catch my breath.

after i managed to catch my breath, i tried to do some weighs. amazingly, i could lift them. the smallest dumbell, smallest barbell and the lightest weigh on the machine. it was all good until this girl lady, lifted heavier than me. i decided to take a breather.

to my surprise, there were "A" boys basketball matches, Mellenia Institute(MI) against Inouva JC(IJC) and Raffles JC(RJC) against Temasek JC(TJC).

MI showed great resilience and character to overcome IJC. in the first quater, IJC went up by 10 points but MI showed that they ain't quitters. they defended well and managed to score the win.

RJC got thrashed/whipped/annihilated by TJC. TJC won by 10 to 20points. RJC totally lost it, they did not put their heart to it. lost the will and desire to win. simply slackers. well, i guess when your in RJC, it doesn't matter whether you win or not since your already in a top JC. good luck in life.

next up were "A" girls matches, Pioneer JC(PJC) against Nan Yang JC(NYJC) and National JC(NJC) against Anglo-Chinese JC(ACJC).

PJC lost by 6 points to NYJC. NYJC no.4 is the key player. too bad she wasn't brought down.

in the battle of the snobs, intellectual snobs(NJC) won rich snobs(ACJC). who cares how they won?

then it was "A" boys matches again, Pioneer JC(PJC) against Tampiness JC(TJC) and Hwa Chong JC(HCJC) against Anglo-Chinese JC(ACJC)

PJC won TJC. no comments.

HCJC won ACJC 59-26. by 33 points. 33, for oreos and milk's sake, 33. despite the many "GO AC!" cheers, ACJC lost and the chants sounded more like "GO HC!" anyway, these ACJC students can fuck their lives away, their parents got enough money for them to fuck away.

how to distinguish an ACJC crowd?

1. there will be an AC flag.
2. they will be standing up.
3. all the guys will be wearing long pants.
4. their standing posture is as though they fucking own the place.

P.S. who cares if i spelled IJC wrongly.

Cr4Pp!e

"Sexy" cousins/Missing Trunks

Sat(16/4) woke up before 9.30am as usual. if you don't know why, you must definitely read this. then i slack and slack until 2+pm, left for swimming lifeguard lessons(i get a kick out of saying it). a lot of people look at me and say "Wah LAU! you like that can become lifeguard? then i like that become Mr. Universe."

i know i'm fat/obese/oversized and i'm cutting down snacks and exercising more, i'm going to the gym later. sadly, my weight is increasing, the other day i realised that i was 85kg. arh? exercise and eat less also put on weigh. maybe i'm the type that by smelling food also can grow fat.

after lifeguard lessons, went straight home, granny's birthday later. get this straight, i hate these kind of dinners. one dish after another. normally i get stomach ache after eating the shark fin soup. i prefer a plate of chicken rice or char kway teow or whatever.

so for the rest of the dinner, i spend my time feeding this cute adorable little girl.



that is my cousin. SHE IS MY COUSIN! i'm NOT lying. i know i'm fat and ugly but i promise you she is my cousin. maybe all the good genes went the wrong other way.

i don't understand why she can be fat and adorable and i can't.

anyway, this cousin of mine, is very shy or rather not talkative. very uncommon trait in my maternal side. especially among the little ones, talking nonsense is second nature or is it mine?

well, after i fed her(i help her scoop the food into her spoon and she fed herself, sometimes i get to put the food into her mouth), i sang to her my tone/rhythm/pitch-wrong version of "Doe, a deer, a female deer....." , "Doe, Ray, Mi, Far, Soh, La, Ti, Doe" and "Doe Mi Mi, Mi Soh Soh, Ray Far Far, La Ti Ti"

she stared at me like some nutcase. then i asked her to sing to which she sang "Doe Mi Mi." and i asked her to continue but she refused. i think she was shy. she started blabbering all sorts of things. aH-Ha! she is talkative!

i whipped out my elder sister's camera(the same one that took the shit pictures), took some pictures and i managed to get her to do the Sexy Blogger Pose~



awwww, so sexy cute adorable! for those of you who think it is sexy, you FUCKING paedophile.

i got her 2 eldersisters to do the Sexy Blogger Pose~ too.



my aunt is a lecturer at ngee ann poly(the poly i'm going) and she was amazed that i was going there. then she mentioned that in the business courses, girls outnumbered guys by a lot, i told them that i had no idea at all, none at all. they were not buying it. damn.

and according to Mr Clubber,Vernon, this batch has loads of pretty girls. OH HELL YEAH! Ooppss, did i say it out loud? i meant, ok, so what?

after the dinner, went home and prepared my stuff for my lifeguard* lessons. i could not find my (swimming)trunks. to which i came to a conclusion that i left it at the swimming pool(toilet).

so unlucky. lost my trunks and goggles in the same month.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sun(17/8), went for lifeguard lessons at 8.30am and saw that there were 2 girls joining the class. did not get a chance to see cause they belong to another class. but i heard the guys saying that their bods are nice. can't wait for this coming sunday. but i don't stand a chance anyway. argh.

in the evening, my mom found my trunks in the washing machine. i knew it, i knew it. i said "in my entire god forsaken life, i've never lost my wallet, handphone, keys, ic."

Mom : yes, right right right.

P.S. the author really doesn't know that business courses have a lot of girls.

P.P.S. the author apologises that he likes girls.

Cr4Pp!e

Matriculation over

yesterday(15/4,friday), went to ngee ann poly for matriculation day. the queue was rather long and for the first time in my entire rotten/fat life, someone approached me to buy something. buy a dell laptop to be exact.

at certain points of the queue, i needed to fill up some blanks.

Woman at counter something: hey... you see this fat guy take so long to fill them up and look at that belly. so big and round and ah pek. (whispering to the person beside her)

i was fuming then......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
nah, nothing of that sort happened. they waited patiently for me to finish and were nice. later went to the "camp" section where i gave away the shirt they gave me. i signed up for all three camps to orientate myself with ngee ann poly.

out of nowhere this looney donation drive person comes out and say "He wants to get hitched!"

tuna with strawberries sandwich! my plan has been discovered! immediately, i defended my honour claiming that i was am interested in arty farty kinda stuff and all. my objections were fallen on deaf ears. damn.

is it wrong to want to get hitched? anyway, i know i won't unless through a fixed marriage. i told my dad already, just go to china and find one for me.

after the maticulation nonsense, had to go to malaysia with my dad. we had a bet on when the container will arrive, his time was 6.45pm mine was 6.50pm. at 6.41pm, i said "ok, lets bet $10."

while my dad was taking out $10, the container went by and he won. it's alright that he won. but you all should see his face. grinning from side to side like a kid in a candy store. and he had to keep talking about it. reminds me of rayner, not embarrass to win one.

my dad only told me that we're going to msia when i was at np matriculating. i was dressed in a collar t-shirt and board shorts bermudas and slippers flip-flops. then there were a lot of mosquitoes at factory. feeding frenzy for the buggers. they bit my feet like crazy but i'm too lazy to count.

reached home at 11.45pm. i love home, every morning, i wake up happy being a singaporean.(not that i like or hate the gahmen) just look around you. the greenery is lovely amazing. compared with our nearest neighbour.

Cr4Pp!e

Matriculation done/Just Bring It

alrighty now, i finally did everything that was needed to be done for matriculation to ngee ann poly. fucking troublesome. i was damn lazy. do you know what it is like to slack for months then being forced to read something as troublesome as that.

went down to the OCBC branch at clementi to pay part B(my dad wants to utilise his cpf) then had to photocopy my passbook for some debit nonsense. by the way, i had to do all these in the sweltering heat.

had lunch at sumo-ya(some jap restaurat near clementi theatre), my lunch was $12.90. ate rather much. but hey, my dinner was cup noodles. aH-Ha! balance. but don't have a light lunch and heavy dinner, that is bad.

i brought went with my younger sister to watch the Pacifier. starring(my favourite actor) Vin Diesel. although the movie was not as funny as expected, there were some consolation laughs. had to wait 10minutes before the show started. full of commercials. damn. and there were some technical problems too. still want to raise $1, Na-Beh. come on people, when they do that, we boycott their cinemas for as long as possible. aH-Ha!

i can't say that i brought my sister as she is already going out to orchard and all at 12+ reaching 13 on 24th april. when i was sec 1, everyday's routine was go home only going out on sunday to church. only at sec 3 or sec 4 then begin going to orchard and all. i'm a late bloomer.

what should i buy for my younger sister? her birthday is coming up. or should i get her nothing like what she got for me?

by the way, read the comments on this post. wah! lorraine lai come and visit my blog, i'm so honoured. for oreos and milk's sake, that is lousy. you(r) need to come up with something better to get punk'd me. but, you got my attention, what do you want? if you got a problem, stand up and let me know. or if your just some attention seeking whore, feel free to continue and you might want to send me an email too. i love people like you.

while you(r) go about your childish pranks and tricks, your just showing how immature or cowardice you are. it just makes me feel good to know that i'm the better person here.

Cr4Pp!e

NTSS wins 3rd Place

yesterday(13/4, wed), i went for a "leisure" swim, did 20 odd laps. while swimming, i heard excessive shouting from clementi sports complex or whatever. so i decided to pop over there and see what the commotion was all about.

to my delight surprise, it was a girls basketball match between Assumption(A) and Jurong(J). when i first reached there, A was leading by 10 over points. i knew that A was gonna win for sure. although J put up an extremely good fight, no.13 sinking in a few 3 pointers.

but the game was for A to win for sure, their centre was too big and strong for J to handle. if A played it slow and utilised their centre more often, they could have won by a margin of 20 points. but J's only way of winning was quick passes and movements. J's speed was much quicker than A.

towards the end of the game, there were some Dunearn guys walking around. awesome! another basketball match. the J team were wearing red jerseys and behind them were a group of guys wearing that same colour and design jersey. i thought it was going to be Jurong V.S. Dunearn.

then i saw this guy who looked like a NewTowner. i'm shortsighted so i can't see very clearly. arh, it was jun xiang. i walked up to him then he told me that their going to play for third and fourth placing.

awesomer! NTSS is in the basketball finals! finally, after 15 long years, again in the finals. (technically it isn't but you know the symmetry i'm going for)

the start was rather hard, 2 points here, 2 points there. after awhile, NTSS started taking the lead. the NTSS coach was damn involved in the match, screaming shouting throughout the entire match and sometimes, his posture was as though he was actually in the match.

it was rather funny, NTSS's coach shouting like a madman and at some time, i thought he was about to beat the referee up. on the other side, Dunearn's coach, Singapore Basketball point guard and captain or whatever was doing nearly nothing. he was just sitting there, watching the game like a spectator. even when his team was down by more than 10 points. only in the last quater did he go crazy. speaking of which, this happened.

Fellow spectator: zhe shi di ji jia?

English translation "which quater is this?"

Me : third and fourth placing.

Fellow spectator stared at me like some jabroni. then some punk on my right answered him " di si jia." (the fourth quater)

Me: sorry, my chinese no good. smile.

Fellow spectator: never mind, smile. walks away.

basket, do i look like some china guy who speaks chinese very well? for your information, i take Chinese syllabus B.(the simplfied simplfied chinese)

anyway, NTSS won the game by 4 or 5 points. can't remember exactly but do remember that there was this guy, heard that he is a foreigner. his "airness" is just amazing. he somehow looked like an asian teen Michael Jordan. not that he looks like him but his "airness". this guy did a classic Jordan shot, he jumped up then the opponent jumped up too to block the shot, this guy then waited for them to fall back to earth then take the shot and scored. it was just amazing watching him play, too bad he was injured and could not play to his full form.

when NTSS won the match, for the first time in my entire life as a student and ex-student of NTSS did i feel proud of being a student and ex-student of NTSS. hopefully, next year they will make it to the finals again.

Cr4Pp!e

BTE PASSED/Marriage

alright, went down to BBDC and i passed the Basic Theory Evaluation with full marks! it was so awesome to score full marks. after passing BTE(Basic Theory Evaluation) then can i apply for a provisional driving licence to go for practical lessons.

however, i failedt the Final Theory Evaluaion again, this time 88% again.(the passing mark is 90%, 45 out of 50 questions correct)

i was damn hyped. finally passed BTE, blood was gushing through my veins and fats. then i went down to book theory test only to find out that i can only take it 4/5/2005. fucking pricks. need to wait so long then can take the test.

imagine this, if i register on 31/1(my birdday), then finish the theory shit(evaluations) in the first week of feb, take the theory tests in first week of march. apply for PDL(provisional driving licence) which they say takes immediately to make. start taking practical lessons on the second week of march, taking 2 lessons a day from monday to friday. by end of march would have passed already after taking 30 lessons. then now i would be driving around singapore instead of taking 2 seats in the buses and mrt.

this is what you get for procrastination. i read somewhere about procrastination "Procrastination is like Masturbation, it feels good at first but in the end, Your just fucking yourself."

Reader: Then why didn't you FUCKING DO THAT?!

on the faithful meaningless day(31/1), i was painting my room. i decided for this birdday, i wanted to have a new room. the previous one looked like crap. seriously. will might upload some photos. bought some stuff from my trips to Ikea. not fully done yet cause i'm kinda lazy to do the final adjustments.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

just now, my mom asked me to read a book "Dating With Integrity". my immediate reaction was "you just fix me a marriage, i anything one."

look at me mom, just look at me. i'm fat, obese and ugly fugly. who wants to date me? the only way i'll get married is through a fixed marriage.

P.S. Pray that i'll pass the Final Theory Evaluation tomorrow.

Cr4Pp!e

Pulchritudinous

woke up at 6am+ feeling like shit(i feel like shit all the time, i'm fat) i decided to pon tang my basic theory practice, final theory practice, basic theory evaluation and final theory evaluation.

basically, you need to pass the evaluation then you can take the test. passing the evaluation requires getting 90% of the questions correct(45 out of 50 questions). some of the questions that are being asked, were not taught during the lessons and there are grammatical errors in the questions also. for eg,



this "image" is taken from the AYE, as you can see clearly, there are four lanes, A, B, C, and D. lane D is next to the barricade which is next to the lush greenery. keep in mind that if you would like to exit the expressway, you must go to the lane A because all the exits are at A.(duh~)

now for the question, which is the outermost lane?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
D, according to the instructor who was present at that time.

anyway, in the afternoon, i decided to drag my ass to BBDC and took 2 final theory practices and 2 final theory evaluations. the first time i took the test evalution, i failed, 82%, second attempt, 88%, 1 more question to passing the damn thing. Na-B*h.

when i took my basic theory evaluation straight after lessons a few days back, i did it quickly and without checking my answers and scored 88%. 1 question away from the promise land.

tomorrow, gonna pop my ass there again and try my luck.

i had dinner for duck duck meat for dinner. felt like an animal, using my canine teeth mostly, ripping out meat, it was quite fun.

do watch desperate houseflies later, Eva Longoria, is hott pulchritudinous.

Cr4Pp!e

Vendetta

well, yesterday, i went down to Singapore Shopping Centre, to clarify the "mistake". which was or rather was not, because there was not a mistake to clarify in the first place.

went to the "place" with bj buddy gab, only to find out that the place does not even exist. no surprise there. i was not even pissed although gab was, as though he was the person who got punk'd. straight from the start i knew, i mean, it is f*cking obvious, me, a model?

so basically, after we reached the "place", i decided to call up and find out who was setting me up. however the person(s) did not have the guts to pick up. this person must have a serious vendetta against me.

since this was a joke all along, i decided to laugh it off although gab had other plans. i suppose i had this coming, some jokes that i played were rather, big. i guess, what goes around, really comes around.

the plot was bad, although, i must say this, the guy, was rather convincing but hey, i was never convinced.

Cr4Pp!e

Third Place/Model Agency

went down to the Third Place today, watch 4 bands perform. the first band was my friend's band HNA(Heroic No Avail), second was Model Lipstick, Third Sa Wal Aevol(Love Always backwards) and last and definitely least Shadows.

HNA was good. not great, prefered their previous performance at orchard.

Model Lipstick made me feel like dying, listening to their music was torturous.

Sa Wal Aevol was AWESOME! going to buy their cd later. i was revived listening to them play. can't wait to buy their cd, can't wait to watch them perform again at the Esplanade on the 30th of July.

Shadows, nailed the nails to my coffin. listening to them is FUCK. compared to the other 3 bands, their completely nonsense. in Simon Cowell words "That was ghastly. You guys look horrible on stage and i'm going to sue you people for damaging my ears." this band played all covers none originals while all the other bands were playing mostly originals. but the audience loved them. screaming and shouting until i realised that they were all their friends. i think those guys must be thinking that their so good that their gonna get a recording contract tomorrow morning.

Shadows SUCK BIG TIME!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

now for a more ghastly part.

on my way to meet Heroic No Avail, my handphone rang, it was from a model agency, somethingModel located at Singapore Shopping Centre 02-28.

my reaction was "I think you got the wrong person cause i'm not handsome."(i know myself) this must be a very very late april fool joke. will the person who set me up please come forward and end this nonsense. otherwise i'm going down later at 7pm to clarify this nonsense.

"Hi, my name is XX, yep, i know you got the wrong person, cya."

P.S. come forward and end this joke.

Cr4Pp!e

Missing Goggles

went swimming tanning today. i swam a few laps but could not swim more as my body was still aching from yesterday's "elite" training(50laps). i was rather bored so i threw my googles goggles out then swam to get it. however, when i reached the "destination", it was no where to be found. then i continued searching for half an hour borrowing goggles from other swimmers(2 to be exact)

i know it is somewhere in the pool begging me to save it. maybe my goggles can appear on the Missing show on channel 5. where did this pair of goggles go? if only the goggles said where it went.

that pair of goggles have great sentimental value, it was my stepping stone to see babes be a lifeguard, i learned the freestyle wearing it and it protected my eyes from the harmful chlorine water.

Now lets have a minute of prayer that i or anyone out there will find that missing pair of goggles.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

it is fabulous thursday again, the O.C. followed by One Three Tree Hill.

i've received the package from ngee ann poly containing documents on some nonsense which i sadly need to look at later. i was looking through the papers and nonsense, it says school the academic term commences 24 may.

no mention on orientation camp or any sort. damn. cannot be orientated or acquainted with the huge number of babes. Na-B*H.

P.S. If any of your happen to find the missing goggles, please contact me asap.

Cr4Pp!e

The Treacherous, Hazardous and Petrifying Journey/Swim

Warning: Long and Boring Entry.

Yesterday(5/4, Wednesday), i went to Secemat(Malaysia) with my dad. woke up at 6.15am, ironed my shirt and headed out of the house at 7am. then took 963 followed by 170 to woodlands checkpoint. followed by another SBS bus to Jowhore(Johor) Checkpoint then another SBS to Kota Raya bus station. where i ate a huge Mcdonalds breakfast. unfortunately, they don't have Hotcakes. after breakfast, my dad and i took some coach bus to Secemat at 9.45am, 1 ticket costing 10 malaysian dollars.

reached Secemat at 1pm because the bloody coach stopped at yong peng for 20minutes and had to stop frequently to let some idiots passengers get off. from the bus station, we took a taxi to Asahi(a factory formerly used by the Japanese during WW2) the trip cost 8ringgit. when the driver turn the steering wheel, it would creak very loudly. i was very afraid that it would pop out and the car will just move on its own leading to my death.

when we reached Asahi, my dad received a phone call. Ms Tan said that loading of the cargo could not be done since the person in charge Danny Lim did not give his approval. to which my dad flew into a rage, he screamed shouted at Ms Tan and started criticsing their company and ethics. the only person my dad ever shouted at the same volume was at me. Na-B*h, travel all the way there only to be refused. Knn.

we went out to the bus stop where not a single bus was in sight then i prayed for a taxi to appear so that we could get back to the town side for my dad to call his boss. a taxi appeared and we got in then some other people got in too. knn, need to share taxi then no air-con. the trip was 1.5ringgit each.

the driver drove us to some telephone shop so that my dad could buy a phonecard to call his boss. the phonecard cost RM$20 and 1 minute costs RM$2 which is about $1sing(corruption). my dad then called his boss then made some other phone calls. my dad tried to call Danny Lim.

"Hello, this is Mr Hong from XX company singapore, my boss would like to speak to you(he immediately hung up)"

(the conversation was in mandarin, too lazy to do the translating and my han yu pin yin sucks)

later my dad called Ms Tan to tell her that the big boss Dato Lim has agreed to allow the loading and added that the boss(danny lim) is a coward. aH-Ha! traveled back there in a RM$8 taxi, during the taxi ride, my dad cursed and swore like a sailor while i smiled. i think the driver felt somewhat uncomfortable.

the loading took 2 and a half hours, ending at 8.15pm. the last bus was at 7.30pm, we had to take a taxi all the way back to Jowhore Bahru costing RM$160. the taxi driver was driving damn fast, overtaking everyone. there were no lamp posts for most of the journey. i hung on to whatever i could hung on as i did not want to die before i got laid hitched.

reached singapore at 11.30pm and took 963 back home, step home at 12.30pm.

there is no place like home.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

today, i did some swimming, 50 laps in total

20 laps of Front Claw(freestyle)

20 laps of Breaststroke(frogstyle)

10 laps of Elite Stroke(breaststroke/frogstyle, without using hands, my hands were on my back)

2.5km or 2500 metres. bloody tiring. however, there were some kids teenagers younger than me who were swimming non-stop at a much faster speed than me and worst of all, they were girls.

i can't believe it, first i lose to old elderly people, now i lose to girls. for goodness sake, they are girls, supposed to be at the bottom of the food chain or something while i'm a male and should be faster than these females. how can i lose? how could i? until i remembered that i was 80kg and obese. damn.

Cr4Pp!e

Trip To BBDC(updated)

Bukit Batok Driving Centre(BBDC)

i decided it was time for me to finally learn how to drive a car as i'm 18 already, legal to buy tobacco, alcohol, condoms baby stopping device and to club. so i boarded bus 188 to make the arduous journey to BBDC. the trip took me half an hour.

upon reaching the promise land, i found out that i need to have a passport size photo. i checked my wallet and counted that i brought $86, enough to pay registration($84), not enough for registration and photo($90).

i went to the photo-taking booth and asked how much does it cost for registration to which the woman lady replied " blah blah blah(x10, woman talk a lot), i'm not sure." so i decided to get my photo taken first. then later i went over to the information counter and asked how much does the registration cost. to my superb instinct, $84. i told the lady that i only had $80 with me and hoped that she said "Oh, no problem, since your so adorable, i'll pay the remaining for you." or "It is okay, as we will just deduct from *blah* account"

however, to my absolute horror

"Then come back tomorrow." for a miserable $4 i had to travel home and make my arduous journey there again. i went home and scolded my dad for not giving me $100 when i asked him to. while he laughed like a hyena.

Updates - Need to get glasses since my eyesight ain't perfect and gonna have a long day to malaysia with my dad tomorrow.

P.S. I went to the wrong chalets twice in one day before.

Cr4Pp!e

MSU part 2/Me

ok, well, Lorraine did not win and i guess she looks better in pictures. i think that all of them answered the question "What are the greatest weakness and strength in women?" with no substance. i stuck my face into a bunch of pillows(i have a fat face) while they were answering them. some of their answers were just plain stupid in my most professional opinion.

Reader: KNNB! CCB! You think you so good, you say lah! Insult my (insert name here), i'm gonna boycott your blog and send you hatemail.

YES! I LOVE HATEMAIL, just like the Calm One and feel free to boycott my blog. i'm a living garbage disposal anyway. My answer would be this:

The greatest strength and weakness in women are their unconditional love. Even when their very mad at you, they still love you and will always be there to lend a supporting and loving hand. This unconditional love definitely has to be their greatest strength however it is also their greatest weakness and downfall. Sometimes when the person receiving this great love, is actually just a scumbag who mistreats this love and abuses the lady. Thus causing her downfall and dismay.

i'm definitely Miss Universe calibre too bad i have a dick i'm male and fat. boo hoo hoo.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

see a bunch of new links? well, i decided to follow no.12 on tony pierce's how to blog post.
but i'm guessing you guys are angry that i linked your since i'm a fat useless slob and nobody wants to be my friend. boo hoo hoo.

do visit Gabriel,My BJ(BlowJob) Buddy,Gabrielnator.(Lorraine used SuckCock buddy, i'm such a copy cat.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

swimming was very tiring(duh~) especially chin tow, the casualty's head is on my shoulder which makes it more difficult as the casualty is sort of on me. i finally got freestyle right! yeah! my left arm is aching now.(because of swimming) i feel that CPR(Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation) is easier than EAR(Expired Air Resuscitation).

CPR seems easier. haven't tried it out yet though. just weighed and measured my height, i'm 1.63cm and weigh 80kg. i could not understand how i could "grow" shorter until i remembered that i tip-toed while measuring my height during secondary 5. now i know that i'm not even the same height as Lorraine. and i'm still so fat obese voluptuous. hopes and dreams dashed.

Reader: Like YOU had any in the FIRST place.

Cr4Pp!e

MSU/Loser

Miss Singapore Universe 2005 is tonight. and i can't wait. woo-hoo! i'm betting on Lorraine Lai. cause i think she is hot and is my height, 1.65m although i'm a little fat chubby round the sides. i did a google search (Lorraine Lai) and found 2 websites which were rather interesting. first one i found was this. her full name is Lorraine Lai Hui Ping and her email is lorrainelai@yahoo.com(i bet she had a hard time coming up with that name).

the other website was this, that contained a testimonial from her.

Excerpt:

Under Peggy's guidance.................................. in 2001 GCE 'O' Level examinations.

-Lorraine Lai, Raffles Junior College(JC2)

i was rather quizzical, if she took the o levels in 2001 at 16, then she should be 20 in 2005 but the MSU website said she is 19. so i popped over to friendster(a demoralising website) and did a search for Lorraine Lai. 3 results came out, it was a tough call, out of the 3, i thought the most logical was to pick the one with location Singapore. voila~ it is none other than LL(lazy to type her full name) herself and it says she is 20,



(first from the right) so jasmine trias, another reason why i'm betting on her. plus she is book-smart(RJC student).

Catch the finals tonight 7.30pm Channel 5. Lorraine! Lorraine! Lorraine!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

How to identify that you'll never get laid your a loser.

1. your fat.

2. your short.

3. you spend an hour googling on someone you will never meet.

4. you sleep 16 hours a day.

5. you don't exercise because it is never 2 hours after you eat.(i eat every hour)

6. you take up 2 seats on the bus and mrt.

7. eating spicy food means you ooze(perspire) non-stop.

8. your friendster profile is viewed 34 times since 1st of march 2005 while your younger sister's is 496.

9. you create "other" users to leave comments on your blog.

10. you have no friends.

gushing monsoons. i fit every single description. i'm such a loser.(going to cry in my bed)

Cr4Pp!e

Comical Day(April Fool)

instead of 2/3 posts a day, today is a special day. i'm just going to post one long entry.

Reader : WTF? a f*cking long entry?

Me : AHEM!

sit back, relax and read this entreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

followed my dad to work again where i did almost all the work. although i was rather reluctant to do any at first until i told him that i would rather be working as an accountant having a salary of $4k a month than having his business taking $10k.(metaphor, my dad doesn't earn that much neither will i) immediately he got pissed and started scolding me that i was lucky to have a father willing to pay his son $5 an hour doing some shit work. and i should be doing the work since i'm being paid instead of camping.

he was refering to me sitting on this chair :



and doing nothing. strangely, that tiny chair could sustain my enormous/gigantic weight(78kg). that chair was bought from the $1.99 shop. high quality product, able to sustain enormous/gigantic weights. tested and proven by me.

later at another venue, i was sitting on that high-grade chair again however, there were plenty of mosquitoes feeding on me. i counted the number of bites, 8 on right arm, 7 on left arm, grand total of 15. then i told my dad that i wanted out of this stupid job due to the heat and bites. to which my dad replied (ignoring the heat) "Na xia wen zi zhai xiang, wo yao yeow na ge lan ren."

english translation "The mosquitoes were thinking, i want to bite that lazy person."

basically, my dad was implying that the mosquitoes were punishing me for my laziness.

this is how my dad dances whenever i play music



one step forward, one step backward, doing this continually with his fists moving up and down. by the way, his eyes are not that droppy(not a drug addict), just that he was about to blink when the picture was taken.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

i visited Cowboy Caleb's blog(How Not To Woo A Girl), and read about this guy who liked this girl very much that he did something very extraordinary. Here is the video for you guys to watch.

Reader: KNS! I come your stupid blog read your posts good enough liao, still want me to watch some stupid video.

point taken* this guy got the professor to project a slide of some cartoon saying "Cui Wen take my hand" then later he walks to her with a bunch of flowers(roses i think). can't see the reaction of Cui Wen neither the GUY but he looks gay to me. long hair (kinda like sly) then when he pushes his hair apart, even more gay. but anyway, clearly everyone knows the reaction of the girl from her blog.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

sorry evina for taking so long to include your link(i'm forgetful). notice that there are 2 Sharons on the links? take a quick visit to both their blogs and come back.

1...................... 2............. 3..... What The F*CK?!

Reader: Na-B*h, your an asshole!

point taken* Sharon.W and Sharon.T both have the same layout! how cool/weird/bizarre/abnormal is that? Same first name, same blog layout. Comical Day~

Cr4Pp!e

the eye 10/the O.C. One Tree Hill battle

went to town to watch the eye 10. walked from far east all the way to Plaza Shit. damn far and it was raining, making the journey all the more tedious for this fatso/fatty/pig/etc.(me) then i did auntie shopping at PS, bossini was having a super sale! up to 70% discount! $30 shirt costing only $6 which is more than 70% if you do the maths. i bought 2 shirts for $14. ok, i know i'm cheap. anyway, while looking at some shirts(squating down), a little girl kicked my shoe to which i said hi and she said hi too. then she shouted for her mother and said " Mommy! Where are you? "

Her Mom : I'm here darling!

Little Girl : I love you Mommy!

maybe it has something to do with my big, fat and obnoxious self. maybe it is because i look like Pooh Bear. hahahha.

the eye 10 movie was a total let down for me. it was much more of a comedy than a horror movie. i was not scared at all, i was laughing the whole time. if your looking for a comedy, watch the eye 10. otherwise, don't waste your money.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

i decided to give thursday an adjective, fabulous thursday. reason being, the O.C. is at 10.30pm followed by One Tree Hill. if i had to choose which show i liked more, the O.C. wins by a landslide. although Mark Schwahn(creator of OTH) is much better at drama, Adam Brody(seth cohen in the O.C.) is incredibly funny in season 2 of the O.C. somehow, i think that Josh Schwartz(creator of the O.C.) was copying OTH or the other way round. it doesn't take a genius to figure out how. now i'm going to have a table on who is better than who to show you why i like the O.C. better.

Benjamin Mckenzie(the O.C.) gets dunked by Chad Michael Murray(OTH) 0-1 (OTH wins)

Adam Brody(the O.C.) outtalks James Lafferty(OTH) in comic book lingo 1-1 (the O.C. draws)

Mischa Barton(the O.C.) downs more liquor than Hilarie Burton and Bethany Joy Lenz(OTH) 2-1 (the O.C. takes the lead)

Rachel Bilson(the O.C.) weighs lesser and is much more cuter adorable than Sophia Bush(OTH) 3-1 (the O.C. wins)

P.S. I'm not saying OTH sucks, i'm just saying i prefer the O.C. more.

P.P.S. Gavin Degraw(singer of OTH theme song) definitely rocks 10 times than any other singer and i personally am a big fan of his.

Cr4Pp!e

the GAHMEN is plotting against me

for the whole of yesterday(30/3), i could not log into blogger. i think it has something to do with this post. the gahmen is afraid that i will spew more stews. aH-Ha! Lee Hsien Loong, be afraid, be very afraid. a stronger opposition is coming and that person is me. i will infiltrate your party then gather support, once i have enough, i will overthrow you and i will charge your family with contempt towards my gahmen and place you guys in life imprisonment. don't worry, will be in your very own Highly Dangerous Buildings(HDB) i bet you guys never stayed in one before.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

was chatting on msn yesterday when i saw my friend's nick "grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."(exact same number of Rs, i counted) being the kpo caring person that i am, i went to inquire.

Me : why are you so madddddd ?

Jess : lols. not mad la. i cant make up my mind what my display pict and nick should be.

i nearly fell off the chair laughing. people actually have difficulty choosing. haha. then i realised that her display picture reminded me of something sexy. so i asked her to send it to me. viola voila~



very sexy huh? she says it is spastic. hahaha. this picture reminded me of the sexy bloggers and i think the sexiest blogger is this girl one. ahhaha.

Cr4Pp!e