WE

today, felt burnout for the first time. dragon boat training, jogged about 9km. warm up was in the blistering sun. did 50 push ups then someone had his butt down(me, Ooppss) so we started from ZERO. after the 50 push ups in the blistering sun, i could not do anymore so a senior had to help me by holding my ass hips. did 100 push ups then.

then it was my "favourite" exercise, running jogging. we jogged about 6km out of ngee ann, we because 2 seniors were pulling my hands to help me run, 1 senior was pushing me from behind(keep in mind i'm 90kg) and the rest most of the seniors were shouting motivational cheers to me.

when we(the seniors and i) reached ngee ann, i THOUGHT it was over. we had to jog on the spot to take a breather. if 1 of us stopped(jogging on the spot), we had to jog 2 more rounds around the track. i stopped jogging 5 times so we had to jog 10 rounds. CHEAT MY FEELINGS!

again 2 seniors were pulling me and this time, it took 2 seniors to push me from behind. WE managed to jog finish the 10 rounds. thank heavens!

after the the 10 rounds and 6km, my t-shirt was soaked with perspiration. so i took it off to squeeze out the perspiration.

some random jabroni(telling other guys and pointing at me): that is disgusting(refering to me squeezing perspiration out of my shirt)

me: sorry la.(FUCKING ASSHOLE! GIVE THE FATMAN SOME ALLOWANCE CAN?)

another random jabroni: why you sweat so much?

me: don't know.(FUCKING ASSHOLE! now you refer me as an animal arh? animals sweat humans perspire. FUCKING ASSHOLE!)

Morale of the story, the sun is bad.

P.S. i think that WE make a very good team.

Cr4Pp!e

Bestest Haircut

DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINK IF SEEING A HUNGRY CHILD MAKES YOU WANT TO VOMIT, place your identification card on your screen and press f13. Rated M18

http://www.flickr.com/photos/51035589935@N01/28358597/

my heart sank when i saw that picture. enough said.

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i had the bestest hair cut in my whole life. basically, the barber cut my hair the way i wanted it to be cut and to me it is the BEST because barbers always give me shitty haircuts. they me look worse before i went in.

i went in, describe what i wanted then voila~ i got it the bestest haircut in my entire life. damn. never thought it could happen. this is like wondering whether pigs could fly then seeing them fly past your window.

maybe, just maybe, i'm might not need to "buy" a bride from a foreign country, maybe i'll fall in love and marry a local girl. smacks myself on my head.

i'm fat, ugly and stupid. which means the only local girl i'm ever going to marry will be fat, ugly and stupid. then our children will be fat, ugly and stupid. who will marry someone fat, ugly and stupid and have fat, ugly and stupid offsprings.

see the vicious cycle?

anyway, to the person who helped me find Pete Francis - Untold, thanks a lot. really thanks. i'm NOT saying who it is cause i don't want you guys to steal my informer. aH-Ha!

Cr4Pp!e

Respect Ruggers

i tried touch rugby on friday. it is a fun game kind of like catching/tag/i touch you then you touch me(no pun intended). basically, the point of the game is take the ball from your end to the other end. simple right?

but being dumb jimbo, i had a hard time understanding the game. jerk jer and his fellow apple user pal Yuxin had to explain the damn game a few times to me. after a few rounds, i managed to score a touchdown try. basically, i scored a point. beginner's luck or rather they allowed me to score so that i will think i'm good at rugby and join the cca. smart asses guys.

later we played semi-contact rugby in the baby pool. we just grab the person with the ball and push that person to end that we will score. very relaxing compared to the actual game where dudes crash into each other.

after the game, i felt super shag tired. the most tired i felt since my first dragon boat training. no aches or tightening of muscles just pure tiredness. i asked jerk jer why.

me: sia la. damn shag sia, although today damn relaxing.

jer: relaxing, indeed it is. (the yoda thing is fake.)

me: then why am i so tired? feel even more shag than dragon boat.

jer: not used, in dragon boat, brains.

wow it makes a difference. seems like my brain was working at a ga-zillion miles trying to figure out the game and play it. anyway, the next morning, i woke up with an aching back, aching right knee and aching left BACKSIDE!

my left backside ached! yes. my left buttock/backside/ass. only the left. yes, only the left. TUNA EGG SANDWICH! my left backside ached. do you know how difficult it is to walk with an aching backside?

i realised that if i join rugby, i will be doing plenty of squats and deadlifts, to build up strength in my legs and back because that is where true strength comes from. chances are, my legs will be big because of the muscle mass.

but staying in dragon boat, i will be on my way to getting that V-shaped body with the abs and arms(my pathway to be a hunk). aH-Ha! so i guess i'm staying at dragon boat, maybe i'll pop by rugby once in awhile.

WARNING! Following line contains M18 content. please press your identification card towards the screen and press f13.

there was this guy who lost a nipple to contact rugby, some dude pinched it out. enough said.

when it comes to playing (contact) rugby, i'm damn afraid of getting hurt(physically), emotionally, i'm used to it la. come on, everyone takes a stab and disrespects fat people like me especially those with huge man-t***(not me arh).

speaking of which, today, at a foodstall queue, this girl in front of me was talking to a girl behind me. then without any warning, she pulled the girl behind me to join her(in front of me that is). she FUCKING MADE HER FRIEND CUT MY QUEUE.

then they acted as though they were supposed to cut the FAT MAN(me)'s queue. my life is so pitiful. i think i shall end it by eating more. aH-Ha! but doesn't that mean that more people will ill treat me? dang, i'm stupid.

Cr4Pp!e

My Man-T**

This Post Is Rather Uncensored. Please Do NOT Read If You Like Censored Stuff. Do NOT Read If You Dislike Man-Tits.

the day before, i wen to the gym with my secondary classmate/friend. again, i was doing the second lightest of weights.(because i'm weak if you haven't found out why) i was pushing myself, did as much as possible. went home feeling shag.

after the "workout", we went to the toilet, where i took of my shirt because i wanted to dry myself with my small towel then shit happens.

Friend: WHAT THE FUCK?

Me: what? am i missing something?

Friend: you have MAN-TITS.

Me:(Na Beh) oh. ok.

Friend: what have you been eating man? you keep this up and i'll need to buy you a new bra.

Me:(SHUT THE FUCK UP) haha. ok i will exercise more.

Friend: do me a favour and wear your shirt back on.

Me:(wears shirt slowly) not that bad what.

Friend: look at yourself in the mirror. your disgusting.

Me:(self-esteem goes down to nothing off) haha. ok.

P.S. He was staring at my man-tits the second i took my shirt off.

P.S.S. I think he wanted to squeeze them. yucks!

P.S.S.S Now i know how women feel when they are being stared at.

Cr4Pp!e

The Great Durai

It took me 2 hours to write this piece of crap. you better appreciate it or another hand, i'm a fatass/fatty/fatso so you can tell me to fuck off about this kind of stupid crap.

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Dear Mr Durai,
I am very sad to read about your resignation from NKF. I am also depressed that many people called asshole cheat liar fucker chao ah-neh bastard money-faced you defaming names.

I am deeply aggrieved and furious at those remarks being thrown at you. I believe that you are a good ah-neh indian man. $500,000 a year is very little compared to the funds you manage, i believe that an extra zero should be added and you should be earning $5million a year instead.

Mrs whore Goh(Senior Minister Mr Goh Chok Thong Tong's wife) said this "For a person who runs a million-dollar charitable organisation, S$600,000 is peanuts as [NKF] has a few hundred millions in reserves." Precisely! NKF has so much money, why should they stop at giving a $600,000 thousand a year? Besides the gold tap, they should gold-plate his entire restroom or better yet his entire office. The government is collecting billions in taxes and have hundreds of billions in reserve too, so I think it is only right for the Ministers to be paid millions and be given cars and gold-plated taps. Please, MM Lee, pay your gin nahs ministers more.

The cars and drivers that NKF has is too little. Nobody likes to be in a car filled with people, everyone wants privacy. For example, the board of directors each have 2 children and provided they are not divorced. So if there are a total of 9 directors and 1 Mr Durai, there would be a total of 4 times 10 equals 40 people to ferry to the special functions.(surely you want to include the little spoiled brats lovable children) 40 people means 40 cars because snobbish rich people cannot stand have more than 2 persons in a car. The driver is definitely counted as 1 person(although it is not a high-flying job, it is still a job and the driver has to be counted as a person) which leaves room for only 1 snobbish rich person.

The 8 cars that NKF have are too little. They need to have at least 40 otherwise their drivers have to make extra trips.

Excuse me Sir, I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this way, but flying business class or first class, isn't it beneath you? The NKF has so much in reserve, surely they can buy you a jet or better yet a Boeing 747. You can be in charge of the design, with LCD screens and big ass speakers together with DVD players and Sony Playstation. Like the rappers on MTV who have so much money to spare that they can spend like no tomorrow and if they run out of dough money they just make another album with their useless talents.

Likewise, you should do the same and spend all the money away, if you spent all the money, just bullshit and say that NKF bought some machinery and instead of lying saying that there are 1,000 patients more, say there are 10,000 more. Or your can have Charity shows every weekend and instead of getting artistes who are being paid money love to perform for charity, get the patients themselves, won't it invoke much more public sympathy?

Get little kids to hog orchard road every weekend for donations then give them CIP(Cockernarden Involvement Program) points. Since it is compulsory to complete the 6 CIP hours, what better charity organisation than NKF? Instead of 6hours, increase it so that every alternate weekend they will be at orchard road asking for donations. If orchard road gets crowded, send them to Causeway Point, Jurong Point and Tampines Mall. Spread the love of charity everywhere.

Imagine what you can do with all those money. Dang. I wished my dad was like you, able to cheat swindle utilise the public's donations for your own good then he can buy me a $50,000 bride instead of $5,000. You, The Great Durai, certainly paved a way for poor Singaporeans like me. In 10 years time, I will be CEO of Nation Breast Foundation and National Cock Penis Foundation. The goal of NBF and NPF, is to help people who think that their breasts or penis is small.

We will compare them(breasts and penises) to grapes and pencils to show that actually, your's are quite big. We need plenty of money because our grapes are top quality from the U.S. just like the lettuces at The Atrium in Ngee Ann Poly.

Me: can i have more vegetables?

Lady Bitch: did you pay more?

Me: how much more?

Bitch: $2.

Me: oh.

Bitch : cannot la, our vegetables very expensive, from U.S. how about i give you more vegetables and less meat?

Me: ok.(vegetables are non-fattening)

Bitch: i give you a bigger piece of vegetable.(Na-Beh the Piece is not even bigger, it is the same size and she really did give me less meat)

P.S. i did not want to write about the NKF drama until i had this idea about the Great Durex Durai.

Cr4Pp!e

I'm Going To Fail

i'm going to fail my Introduction to Financial Accounting test tomorrow later. it is 12.31am and i'm blogging while watching One Tree Hill. was going through some of the notes and realised that i did not understand a ton of things. a great way to start off poly life.

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yesterday, went to the gym again, saw a secondary classmate/schoolmate. he is freaking huge. not in a fat way like me but huge with the muscle mass and all. in secondary school, he was smaller size than me, now he is kind of the same size except that he is all muscle.

he is incredibly strong too. benching about 100kg. i'll be lucky if i benched 5kg without getting killed cramps. that is the difference and i'll be panting and puffing like a dragon after i'm done benching it while him(hulk) jumps straight into another exercise with huge weights too.

i decided to go sprint run jog walk on the running track instead of the treadmill. i managed to walk 1 pathetic round. HURRAY! lets all jump for joy and celebrate with a party except nobody will come because i'm a loser/fatass/fatty.

Cr4Pp!e

Gym Part 2

went to the gym yesterday, was pumping doing some weights(the second lightest) with all my might. then from the corner of my eye, saw a group of ladies girls(down graded because of their behaviour) smiling at me.(i thought that)

until 1 of them burst out laughing then i realised that they were sneering at me. because the guy beside me was lifting thrice my weights and he was not even

sweating pespiring. Na-Beh then later i decided to chance on the treadmill. thank god it did not breakdown. ran jog walk for 2 minutes then decided it was too tedious and got off. i think the machine lost 50% stability after i got on it. i swear i heard some cracking noises when the next person got on.(that person is skinny like paris hilton)

on my way home, i saw a primary/secondary friend classmate/schoolmate of mine. he was walking with a GIRL. his hand on her back and vice versa. a little background information.

he was a nerd(just like me except i did not get his kind of grades). no girls were interested in him(like me and they still ain't, i'm 1.63m and 90kg remember?)

he went to jc and i went to poly.

now see the difference?

i knew my life was gone when i could not make it to the JC(junior college). he is in the JC now and has a girlfriend. i'm in the poly now and no girlfriend. my life is so horrible. i have homework, projects, common tests and exams. and no girlfriend.

i might as well cut short my education, go straight to National Service then go to anywhere that i can buy a bride for $5000 since education won't help me get 1 unless there are modules on Courtship for Dummies, How to Get Hitched, Dating 101 and How To Be a Hunk.

Cr4Pp!e

Primary School Gathering

hi. this is my pretty cousin. matilda. check her blog out you pervy friendly guys.

i was awoken this morning afternoon at 1.30pm by a call from my primary school classmate Kai Ting.

Kai Ting: hello.

Me: ello. (missing out the "H" due to "morning sickness")

Kai Ting: are you doing anything later?

Me: no.

Kai Ting: come down orchard for primary school class gathering. suppose to meet at 1.30pm but they are late.

Me: eh, who going?

Kai Ting: blah blah blah..........

Me: oh. ok. i reach there around 2plus.(thinking that it was 1pm)

then i went about getting out of bed, brushing teeth and doing the necessities. being 1.63m and 90kg, life is much slower(i need more time to do the same things). reached orchard at 4plus. walked around a little(far east), took neoprint(because Kai Ting wanted to and she will give the "face" if you refused). so glad that the machine did not crack or topple over when i accidentally leaned on it.

felt hungry at 5 although i ate instant noodles and a sandwich at 4. so decided to "fuel" up at buger king thinking that we will be walking around more. when i finished my fuelling at 6 and we decide to move out, all of them wanted to go home. Na-Beh.

i can roughly guess how i was invited.

friend A: only the few of us ar?

friend B: yeah.

friend C: did you invited everyone a not?

friend B: yep.

friend D: don't tell me you invited that fat, obese and oversized pig that reeks of shit.(me)

friend B: don't have la. you think i want to smell his odour ar?

friend E: later he find out about this outing then say that we outcast him. now 1.30pm just ask him come, he confirm don't want to since he is so lazy.

their plan backfired and i came. at burger king.

friend A: wah, i cannot take it already, he is damn stink la.

friend C: i know, we all lie to him that we go home then meet somewhere else.

no wonder they left so early. i'm such a loser. boo hoo hoo. everyone hates me. my life is so miserable.

Cr4Pp!e

Chore

thanks for all the encouragement. anyway, i read somewhere that procrastination is like masturbation, it feels good at first but at the end of the day, your just screwing yourself. don't ask me to elaborate.

went for canoe training today, placed an order for the training kit. aH-Ha! i will most probably only be there for wednesdays because i have dragon boat trainings on tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays. getting the training kit. woo-hoo!

i've realised something about myself, i've been very busy with school and CCAs. i can choose not to but i want to. it is because i want to keep myself busy so that i won't have time to think about other things.

like i'm fat and a loser. like how people laugh at me whenever i run because i have man-tits(C cup) which bounce like baywatch lifeguards. or when people run out of the lift whenever i enter because i stink.

my life is so darn miserable. running after buses is a daily whore chore.

Cr4Pp!e

Common Tests

common tests are in two weeks and i've not begin studying. worse of all, i know nuts about business statistics. don't ask how did that happen. moreover, business statistics is the module that my whole class is sturggling with except for those talented individuals.

maybe i should stop procrastinating and start studying for it. but then, i look at this and can't help agreeing wholeheartedly.



Hard Work Often Pays Off After Time,
But Laziness Always Pays Off Now.

Cr4Pp!e

The Corn

had lifeguard lessons training just now. it was rather ok. until this guy with corn/callus on his big toe came in and showed it to me. HE SHOWED IT TO ME!(lifted his feet to let me see it)

when my friends training mates told me about it, i was already damn squeamish about it. i've never seen it before but just hearing about it made me lose my appetite, take note that i ate nothing except 2 pieces of ham and chesse(without bread) only. i was starving until i heard about the corn.

i won't show images about it because it is damn disgusting, frankly speaking, i never thought i would find something disgusting. i think my shit is artistic, watching shows about operations with blood all over was fine and i could eat while watching it! i'm still feeling damn squeamish about it(the CORN).

allow me to describe how it looks like(skip this paragraph if you don't want to know), it was black in colour, about the diameter of a 1cent coin and around it, there is moat, so it looks like a button. damn, was it disgusting.

the best part was that this guy who had the CORN, was acting like it was a mole or pimple. as though it was natural or uncontrollable. then later he had to shove it in my face by calling me a sissy and asking me how to go to National Service. Na-Beh. fucking kid acting like some tough guy but in actual fact is just a dirty brat who hates to bathe.

later i'll be going for Cultural Activities and Social Service Club's Chinese Orchestra Public Performance. can't wait for it. heard that their playing modern tunes. interesting, but i feel that they should play good old chinese tunes like Nan Zi Han or whatever.

why should the chinese orchestra be playing tunes that do not have chinese origins. somehow, i feel that all these(chinese orchestra playing tunes that do not have chinese origins, etc) are caused by the gahmen. shit happens.

P.S. I HATE CORN!

Cr4Pp!e

Lecturer(Business Statistics)

i went to my lecture late today, by an hour. everything was fine, being the year 2000 hide and seek champion, i was extremely stealth. creeping to the middle portion where my class was until the lecturer turned around.

Lecturer: Hi! My friend, your so early.

Me:(waves meekly)

damn, got caught. then later the lecturer comes up to me.

Lecturer: see me later.

Me: ok.

i'm so going to die. most probably want to take down my student card, scream at me, maybe pull my ear. just torture me since i made a mockery out of her by going so late.

Me: why you want to see me?

Lecturer: you missed the first hour of the lecture, so i need to tell you the important parts.

WHAT THE F***? i skipped missed the first part of the lecture and she still bothers to let me know the important parts. seems like poly lecturers actually care a lot more about their students than they've been credited for.

Cr4Pp!e