Laid Back

this is strange but then, i've just realisd that i've got a thing for girls with shoulder length hair and/or with high foreheads. it doesn't put anything in perspective but what the heck.

anyway, at the back of my mind, there is this voice saying that i shouldn't have quit dragonboat and there is another voice saying that i joined canoe 6 months too late.

on monday, went for canoe polo training. i realised that those guys already had 6 months of training then there was this part where some of us were in the kayaks and we did ball passing. i could barely control my boat and pass the ball.

then there were this bunch, actually 3 guys "praising" me for my "great" ball passing and all that because i did that to one of them but to tell the truth, i really see that guy that way, to me, he is the best year 1. in fact, whatever they said, it was the total opposite. they "praised" me sky high but in fact, i'm core deep(sounds stupid to a geographer but what the heck). just one day of ball passing and my right shoulder is hurting.

quitting dragonboat to join canoe, was it worth it? right now, whenever dragonboaters see me, they see a quitter. i can simply say whatever and act like nothing's bothering me. but in fact, i do care. each time i see any dragonboaters, i feel like i owe them something.

to catch up 6 months of training that those guys(canoe) had, might be a tall order but if i put my mind to it and do my best, i might be able to make it. but then, i'm afraid, ever put all you had into something but it turned out the other way? experienced that twice and it is enough.

it is not a matter of pride or anything like that, i have no pride. to fight for something is not my nature. i've always been laid back, if losing doesn't mean losing much, i'll rather lose. i'm not used to fight for a position or anything like that.

i know this, if i get that position, someone else doesn't thus that someone will be sad about not getting it. i rather be the one that is sad and let someone else be happy. thus i've learnt that to love someone means even if that person isn't by your side, you should be happy for her and if that person isn't happy with you, you should let her leave.

i have half a mind to quit canoe and just stay with dance at least then, i don't need to fight for a position because there are only 3 guys. even if i don't get one, it is fine with me because i'm laid back.

maybe because i'm so laid back that i need to have someone by my side for me to spur and do well for her.

another thing i can't stand is when someone insults me in the face, even if it was meant to be a joke, the least you could do was smile. when the president asked for club fund, i took out the only note in my wallet, a $50 note. when everyone saw what i had done(because the bigger amount you took out means you can pay for your fellow friends too), they all shouted stupid and said somethings, i'm cool with that, even when mako pushed me and said i was dumb to do that, i was cool because mako jokes with me sometimes.

then this jabroni asswipe look me squared in the face and said something along the lines "stupid, your stupid you know." second training, so cut me some slack. if you want to insult me, the least you can do is smile and make it seem a joke even if it wasn't.

why do i get so riled up over some jackass? dang, i'm losing my cool.